Where Have All the Good Systems Gone?
February 21st, 2012 § 15 Comments
I tried very hard to pen an epic rant about the insurance company we’ve been battling over the wording of our home warranty and about how the public school is leaving my son behind. But, the truth is, I failed miserably. I couldn’t get my message across without sounding like a radical or a whiner – neither of which come particularly easily to me.
Here’s the thing – insurance companies lie. Shocking, I know. I call that the Mrs. P prophecy. Since I was a little girl, my mother has been telling me the story of a relative of ours who sought help from a therapist. He asked her:
“Mrs. P, do you think all people are good people?”
To which she responded: “I guess so.”
“Well you’re wrong,” he said, “most people are @$$holes!”
It doesn’t matter how many times I’m told that story, for better, and often for worse, I am a benefit of the doubt person.
Now, I would never go so far as to say that public schools lie. I have many friends in education who are the kind of people who get multiple legal guardian requests. Seriously, people are lining up at their doors with their wills in hand for the privilege of leaving their children with them in the event of their untimely death . My son has had several teachers like that in his five year stint at our local public school and, for them, I am truly grateful.
The thing is – despite everyone’s best efforts, systems can fail. I recently found a talk by education expert, Sir Ken Robinson, called Changing Education Paradigms. In it, he describes the exact dead-end that we have arrived at with our son. Recently, we took him to a learning remediation centre, a place that provides assessment, targeted learning support, and assistance working with the school to support your child. We were shocked and saddened to see it was full of boys. Eight or nine of them from the ages of about 10 to 18, lining the carrels with their headphones on, some with sketchbooks out, broad shoulder to not so broad shoulder, seeking remediation in a tiny office space in the city instead of at their local public school.
So, why can’t I rant? Aren’t education and insurance things we should be able to rely on in a civilized society? In a perfect world, yes, of course! But the realization that it’s not a perfect world has made us closer as a family and clearer about out goals for the future. We’ve even started dreaming of a smaller home and better schools for both our sons.
And since my imaginary move may have more life to it than I thought, I better get cracking. So far, I’ve only raised four dollars for your charities, but that’s all about to change, now that I’ve gotten this all off my chest!
Can I get an amen?! AMEN!
Firstly, I view insurance companies among the scum of the earth, especially health insurance companies. As for public schools, I totally get it. My dad is a HS teacher and gifted coordinator, and I often see the great lengths he goes to to ensure his students get the best. Have you looked into Kipp schools? In the US, they are the new school paradigm shift, and from what the stats are showing, a very viable option. We actually chose our more run-down house just to stay within a certain school district. I say go with what’s best for your family. A school and good teachers can make all the difference! I can’t wait to see what lies ahead
AMEN, sister! : )
Ugh, our insurance policy isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on and our contractor is hiding from us, hiding!
Your Dad sounds like one of those special teachers. You know I have researched all kinds of schools and never heard of Kipp schools, so I’m off to google that right now! Thanks for the advice and the show of solidarity, it made my morning!
Have you looked at West Van schools? I really like the direction they are taking. Also, what about Waldorf?
Hi Heather, I have heard that about West Van schools. And Waldorf is at the top of the list right now. B and I watch Waldorf videos on youtube and he is really interested. At the beginning of the year he said he wouldn’t leave his school, by January he said he wanted to leave if he could bring his best friend, and as of today, he just wants to get the hell out of dodge. Thanks for the suggestions.
my ♥ goes out to you. it is a tough road lady but keep fighting the good fight. you are a fantastic mom. is it the the basement issue that the insurance people are running from?
xoxox m
Thanks Michelle! Yep, it’s the basement issue and they are simply waiting for us to go away. We’ve had 5 rejections none of them explaining their position. We hired an Engineer who is just as mystified as the rest of us why the insurance company won’t respond. Our next step is mediation (ha, ha, that just autocorrected to medication), fortunately I stumbled upon an article written by a local lawyer stating that our defect is clearly recognized by law. Thanks for the support!
Oh, don’t even get me started on the whole topic of school! I don’t even have kids, yet I could rant for days on the subject. I often think that CatMan and I are a case study in what’s wrong with our school system. He very nearly flunked out, yet he’s the most brilliant person I have ever met. Seriously, he built his first computer by wiring together 2 computer chips, a television and an electric typewriter keyboard. He even etched the integrated circuit board from a diagram he found in a magazine! (CatMan is 20 years older than me… so this was all at a time when you couldn’t just buy this stuff and there really weren’t an “experts” who could help you.) And he’s not just a math geek, he’s just all around brilliant. But to hear him tell it, school was just one long torture session of being told to sit down, shut up and not ask stupid questions.
Me, on the other hand, I was the class valedictorian and I didn’t learn shit! I think that the only skills I really learned were sucking up to the teacher and test taking… well and bullshit. One time I walked into my AP Honors English class to discover with horror that we had to write a 30 minute essay comparing and contrasting the poems which we were (ahem) supposed to have read the night before. Only I hadn’t read the poems. My “good girl” instincts told me I should just be honest and turn in a blank sheet of paper, but then my rational side kicked in… the quiz was worth 50 points, an F was 25 points, but an “honest” blank sheet of paper was a big fat zero. So I just let the bullshit fly… I totally just made it all up. The next day when we got our scores I was completely expecting to fail, but nooo, I got a perfect score. That episode still haunts me because it really showed that whatever our school system was measuring, it wasn’t knowledge!
Anyhow, the music school where I used to work had very close ties with our local Waldorf school, and many of our music teachers both taught at the school and sent their kids there. I don’t know all that much about it except that the Waldorf kids were all amazing. They actually seemed to have the capacity to think for themselves, plus they all really liked school.
Best of luck finding a better situation for your son. I applaud you for making it a priority.
You and CatMan are poster children for Sir Ken Robinson’s call for reform in education. Make him watch the talk, Squirrel was fascinated!
I got through school much the same way you did. Astoundingly, not much has changed. Thanks for the comments and the support!
Wow… that was a great talk, just watched it. A few years ago I read a book called “The Leipzig Connection.” The basic thesis of the book was that the US education system had essentially been taken over by big corporations & monied interests like the Rockefellers, who didn’t really want the public to be able to think for themselves, and were much more interested in the acculturation of people so they would be passive and obedient employees. According to the book this was accomplished by funding teacher’s colleges, but only the ones who would teach the new crop of teachers to adopt their “new” system of education, which, coincidentally, was proven over and over to be less effective than the systems that had been previously used.
I’m still not sure what I think about it… I’m never sure what to think of these conspiracy theory things, but it certainly made me think!
Thinking is the key! There are so many children not being served by the public system right now. Everywhere I turn there’s a child with an ADHD diagnosis. That’s insanity! All of our kids aren’t sick. Minimalist Mommi suggested looking into Kipp schools. It is revolutionary what they are doing there.
Conspiracy theory or no conspiracy theory when things stop making sense to women, look out!!!
Not of sure your child’s needs.
My daughter (26 now) struggled in school. I knew she had trouble
learning before she entered school. She had two brothers that I easily
taught counting, alphabet, colors, writing their name, shapes, etc..
They enjoyed learning. My daughter while extremely social, with an
advanced vocabulary couldn’t be taught by me. All my attempts at
teaching her were met with what appeared to be a blank stare.
Concerned, I put her in preschool. After one year in preschool she
still didn’t know her basic letters, numbers, shapes, she did know
colors.
This pattern continued through third grade. She learned very slowly.
I spent my evenings trying to teach her too. Her social skills were
so advanced that none of her teachers felt she had trouble learning.
They all felt she just wasn’t interested. This created such a conflict
in our life. I knew she had always had issues learning and, I couldn’t
understand why they decided she just was interested.
Eventually through much complaining they tested my daughter. She
of course was far below grade level. She was in the third grade.
They labeled her LD and told me she would be receiving remedial help.
They instructed me not to stress her and, that they would be following
up her progress each year. They quit sending homework.
I put it all on the back burner, believing I could rest now. I thought
they were really working on the matter.
I went back to college and, became an RN.
One day out of the blue, I called my daughter into the kitchen to help
me bake some cookies. She had never enjoyed cooking so I expected
a bit of resistance. However, I wanted to share something I loved with
her. In an effort to keep things light in the kitchen, I said “Hey, you
read me the recipe ingredients and, I will put in all the things needed
to make the cookies.”
What happened next brought me to my knees. Here my beautiful
8th grade daughter stared at the back of an oatmeal box. She had
that oh so familiar haze come over her. She struggled to sound out
the words, clearly she couldn’t read. Yet, all this while she was
getting average marks on her report card.
I was so heartbroken. I pulled her out of school. This was against the
advice of her counselors. They told me my daughter would be fine.
Their words “April is so beautiful and, social she will be fine.”
I was angry!!!!!!!!! However, it was my fault too. I chose to believe
they were really teaching my daughter.
I found a private christian school. They used a curriculum called the
I am very proud of her.
“Pace Program” They tested my daughter to place her. She tested
on a 3rd grade level on most subjects. It was summer. I bought all
the pace school years from 3rd grade to 8th grade. My daughter
and, I spent every waking second of that summer and, into the fall
catching up.
We completed 3rd through 8th grade in a little over 4 months. The
program worked wonders for my daughter! It was hard to keep up
the night and, day of it. She cried often. I yelled too much. But, we
did it!
She entered the school on a 9th grade level that fall!!!!!!! She from that
day forward was able to stay on grade level.
My daughter back in those days thought I was a Mom from Hell.
However, since becoming an adult she can’t praise me enough.
She calls me daily and, talks for an hour or more.
Often she will be sharing something that she read. It still blesses me,
my daughter can read.
My daughter did enter our community college and, took a few subjects.
However, she decided to marry and, become a stay at home mom.
She now has three beautiful babies.
Betty, I am so happy to hear that about your daughter. And you have given me the inspiration to rise to the challenge of becoming the Mom from Hell!
My son is also very social and beautiful. It is astonishing to me that the public system has no suggestions for us other than to put him on medication. I can’t do it. I’d rather swallow knives than medicate my child’s learning disabilities. I will look into the Pace program. I believe I have come across it before in my research. What an inspiring story. Thank-you so much for sharing!
You are so right, medication is not the answer.
Happy to share, knowing you too will one day soon have
a similar story of victory to share with others.
Hey Christine! I am also a huge fan of Sir Ken Robinson. His views on our public education system are spot on.
I have a seven-year old son in the public school system. He struggles with listening and paying attention. I get comments from his teachers such as, “He’s so bright, but he seems to march to the beat of his own drummer.” He also has a VERY hard time sitting still. I’ve worked with his teachers to allow him to stand at his desk as long as he’s not disrupting his classmates.
So far, we’ve been blessed with incredibly progressive teachers, but I worry how the expectations for him will change in the coming years.
You are such a great parent. I worry that when the time comes to make the tough decisions you’re facing now, I’ll make the wrong choice.
Progressive teachers are such a blessing. They can change the world for our children. I don’t know many boys who can sit, listen, and pay attention at the same time. We have an amazing local psychologist and advocate for boys called Barry MacDonald. He authored a book called Boy Smarts and he is my go to authority on boys in the school system.
You won’t make the wrong decisions Jenny, and if you do, you won’t make them for long. A Mom knows when enough is enough – it’s in our genes. : ) Good luck with everything!